I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
