True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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