Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize