Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
