Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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