We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
