the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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