I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
