You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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