Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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