have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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