it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
