if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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