I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
