I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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