sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
