Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
