I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
