he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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