she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
