i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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