I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
