so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
