i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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