i barfeds in our rink
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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