So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize