I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
