So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want her autograph on my taint
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
