I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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