fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
