why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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