dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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