you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
