the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
