help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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