Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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