it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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