Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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