She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
