I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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