Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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