WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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