I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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