I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
ok first of all what the fuck
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
