I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
