toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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