There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
