Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
