Just cropdusted the office
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was like eating out sand paper
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
