i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
