I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize