i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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