Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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