we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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