the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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