You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
