I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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