2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
