I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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