I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
