i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
