so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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