People in love make me want to vomit
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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