I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the day after is always just damage control
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
