im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
